Insanity and Potions
by themusicain
Summary: Inspired by ms. imagine's Thunderbird fanfic, "Insanity." An invitation from George Weasley to try out a new "game." Need I say much more? title change. sorry
1. An Invitation

Potions

Diagon Alley was as busy as always. A few people stared at Harry, many more nodded, some waved or called out a greeting. He smiled at each and every one of them, but his biggest smile was reserved for Ginny.

"They've redecorated," Ginny said.

They'd stopped outside a shop, painted turquoise and orange, with a purple door and red windows. The windows were full of whirring, banging, noisy things. A sign above the door read _Weasley's Wizard Wheezes_. Harry snorted.

"You did say Teddy was working part-time here."

Ginny laughed softly. "I like it," she said, slipping a hand into Harry's arm.

They entered the shop. George and Lee rushed out from the back room to meet them.

"Hey! Glad you could come, you're the first. I see you haven't brought the midgets."

"Both at Grandma and Grandpa Weasley's as ordered. James was reluctant, of course, but…" Harry shrugged. "A party's a party."

Lee grinned. "It's a special party. George and I came up with a game we wanted to try."

"And they won't tell me a thing about it," said a voice.

They turned to see Angelina walking down the stairs behind the counter, carrying a large box filled with Skiving Snack-boxes. "Where did you want these, dear?"

"In the back room, please," replied George. As Angelina walked past, he waved his wand surreptitiously. The box flew out of her hands and into the room. He caught his wife round the waist. "There, all done." He kissed her, then led them all upstairs. This was where he, Angelina and Lee lived. There were photographs all over the walls, some of weddings, some of holidays, some from school, some from the _Daily Prophet_, and all moving. Wide, low sofas were arranged in a square around a coffee table, and doors to the right led to the kitchen, bathroom and bedroom.

"Sit, make yourself comfortable," he said, waving to his guests. "Lee, do you want to go and… err… check on our preparations?"

Lee grinned and walked away, closing the door as he did so, obscuring and curious glances.

A bell rang downstairs.

"More guests! Let's see who else has decided to grace us with their presence." George dashed downstairs, and returned a moment later with Ron, Hermione and Charlie.

"That just leaves Teddy, Victoire, Fleur and Bill to come," George was saying.

"Fleur's probably still getting ready," muttered Ginny. Harry scratched his nose to hide a grin.

"Tea, anyone?" asked Angelina as everyone sat down. There was a general murmur of assent, and Angelina started towards the kitchen.

"Ah, no!" George grabbed her and steered her back towards the couch. "_I'll_ get the tea, you just stay put, Angel." He ran out of the room. Angelina raised her eyebrows.

"So nice of you," she commented dryly. "I honestly have no idea what they're up to. They've been preparing this for a month, and they've been increasingly mysterious. I've not been allowed into the store room until today, and now I'm not allowed in my own kitchen."

Hermione gave a small gasp.

"What?"

She opened her mouth to explain, but was interrupted by the bell.

"That'll be the others." Angelina got up and disappeared down the stairs. Ron turned to his wife.

"So, what is it?"

"Tea, that's what it is!" cried George, emerging from the kitchen with a loaded tray. He set it down on the table. "Did I 'ear the bell just now?"

"Yeah, Angelina's gone to get it," replied Harry.

Moments later, Angelina re-entered the room with Bill, Fleur, Teddy and Victoire in two.

"Ah, 'ello everyone," beamed Fleur, sitting gracefully beside Ron. Hermione's hand tightened ever so slightly over Ron's, Harry noticed.

"Everyone here?" asked George, clapping his hands together. "Good. Let the game begin. Bring it out, Lee!"

Lee emerged slowly from the kitchen, carrying a small cauldron bubbling with what looked like mud.


	2. Whose is Who?

Potions 2

"What's that?" Ron asked nervously.

"It's Polyjuice Potion," replied Hermione quickly. George gave her a withering look.

"Must you spoil the surprise?"

"Well, it was obvious once Angelina told me you were doing it in secret for about a month," said Hermione shrugging.

George frowned. "Then one month bit, possibly, but a lot of potions take a month to make. What made you so sure that it was Polyjuice?"

"I… oh." Hermione blushed. Ron's ears had gone rather red, and Harry was scratching the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact with everyone and everything. Ginny smirked.

"They made some in secret at school."

"When?" said Bill sharply.

Ron muttered something indistinguishable.

"Pardon?"

"In second year."

There was a stunned silence for a moment, then Teddy let out a bark of laughter.

"Oh, man! You little rebels!"

"It was her idea!" said Ron defensively, pointing at Hermione.

Everyone laughed at George's expression. His mouth was opening and shutting in a wonderful impersonation of a goldfish. Eventually, he managed to say something.

"Hermione, you really are a worthy wife of a Weasley!"

"I know," said Hermione smugly, pecking Ron on the cheek.

"So, anyway, we have here some Polyjuice Potion. Lee and I thought it'd be fun to turn into each other, just for an hour, and see how we fare in each other's bodies."

"_Excusez moi_, but I 'ave no intention of changing my appearance," said Fleur testily.

"Oh, I don't know, mother, it might be fun," said Victoire. The others nodded in agreement.

Fleur sighed. "One hour?"

George nodded. "One hour."

"Alright."

George grinned. "Trust me, it'll be fun." He took out the teacups and began to ladle out some of the potion. "We're all gonna mix up the potion so we don't know whose is who, go into different rooms- girls into mine and Angelina's, guys in Lee's- and we're gonna take our potion, then get changed."

"Hang on!" said Ginny. "What if one of the guys gets a girl's potion? Or the other way round? I really don't think I'd feel too happy if one of you lot started undressing me in front of a guy." Fleur, Angelina, Hermione and Victoire all nodded.

"Pfft, fine, have it your way," said George, rather grumpily, Harry thought. "We can all drink our potions one by one, then go get changed one by one, that better?" The girls nodded reluctantly.

"But you must show our bodies respect, guys," said Angelina warningly, her dark eyes flashing. "Take any… _liberties_ with us, and we'll make sure you regret it, okay? And, in return, we'll behave in yours. Agreed?"

"Agreed," everyone said in unison. George handed out the glasses of muddy liquid.

"Okay, everyone, take a hair or two from your head and drop it in the potion, then set it back on the table quick before it changes colour."

Fleur and Victoire delicately plucked a silvery hair from their partings; Ginny yanked a couple of red hairs from her fringe; Harry, who was used to this, ignored the pain as he pulled out a small clump; George, Bill, Charlie and Ron pulled out a single hair from the top of their heads; Teddy changed his hair colour several times before pulling out a blue hair; Hermione, like Ginny, simply yanked a few hairs from her fringe; Lee pulled at his dreadlocks half-heartedly, then cut a tiny piece off; Angelina extracted a loose hair from one of her braids. As the potion bubbled gloopily, everyone put their glasses back on the table, and George mixed them around with a wave of his wand.

"Okay, now everyone has to guess which colour is who."

He picked one up and showed it to everyone. It was a tan colour. He sniffed it tentatively.

"Hmm, smells like chicken. Surely this is Ron's."

"Hey!"

"Well, you pick one up and guess who it is."

Ron glared at his brother and chose a red potion.

"I think it's… Fleur, 'cos she has a temper as fiery as this red."

Fleur snorted disdainfully and picked her glass.

"This is a _chocolat_ colour, so I think eet is… my darling Bill, because 'e is as sweet as _chocolat_."

Harry ignored the gagging noise his wife was making and said, "Your turn, Bill."

Bill picked a purple one. "I think it's Angelina."

"Why?" He shrugged.

"I really don't know, I just seem to associate purple with her."

"This one's sort of… opal-like," said Angelina after choosing her glass. "It's white, yeah, but when you move it there's other colours mixed in too… like dragon scales! Charlie, I think this is your one."

Charlie grinned. "Well, mine's golden, so that's got to be Harry. Ron told me what colour your one was," he added apologetically. "Not really fair, but I'm not good at guessing."

Harry took his time choosing his, eventually selecting a pale, minty green potion. "Maybe… George?"

"I've already picked mine, so… Teddy, you want a shot?"

Teddy winked at Victoire and chose a pale blue one. "Personally, Ron, I think _this_ one is Fleur. Vicky?"

Ron spluttered, and Hermione dug him hard in the ribs.

Victoire selected an orange one. "Ronald, surely. The great Chudley Cannons supporter."

"Not that there's much point," muttered George. "Who's left? Ginny, Hermione, Lee?"

"You go first," smiled Lee. Ginny chose a turquoise one and Hermione a green one, leaving Lee with a dark blue potion.

"I think this is Teddy," said Ginny.

"… George?" Hermione guessed.

"And this is either Fleur or Victoire, I think," said Lee uncertainly.

"Everyone reasonably happy?" asked George, glass raised. "Cheers!"

They clinked glasses together and downed the lot.


	3. Strange Changes

Potions 3

Harry hated the sensation of his body changing. The first thing he discovered was that he no longer needed his glasses, and that his clothes were rather tight. That was fine, George was bigger than he was. He also felt a sudden craving for a nice steak, extra rare.

Ginny felt changes she hadn't quite expected, which scared her a little. Aside form the obvious differences, her hair also grew shorter. She caught sight of it as it went past her face. It was a bright turquoise.

Hermione had the same discomforts as Ginny did, and also something else. She went to push her hair back behind her right ear, and froze. She had no right ear.

Ron experienced Hermione and Ginny's experience in reverse. He also seemed to be shrinking, and there was a prickling on his backside.

The first thing George noticed was that his ear had grown back, much to his delight.

Angelina, again, had the same unpleasant feeling as Ginny and Hermione, but a nagging pain at the base of her spine demanded her full attention.

Lee, like Ron, seemed to shrink. He also felt rather short of breath. He'd never taken Polyjuice Potion before, so he assumed it was part of the process.

Bill moved his head slightly to watch the others change, and was alarmed to hear a clicking noise right beside his ears. He moved again. It was still there!

To Fleur's dismay, her hair seemed to be getting bushy, close to uncontrollable.

Charlie couldn't see anything. He tried to see how everyone else was doing, but all he could see were fuzzy shapes, and trying to focus made his head ache.

Teddy, like Ron and Lee, had the same weird feeling. He felt his hair lengthen. Judging by the look on Victoire's changing face, he'd been right. He looked down at himself. _Oh my God_, he thought. _I have breasts!_

Victoire felt her hair in dismay. Instead of the sleek blonde sheet falling over her back, it was short and matted.

HP

and i'll leave it there for the moment, so you can guess who's who. are you right? find out in chapter four!


	4. Discoveries of an Odd Kind

did you guess right? let's see. sorry if this gets too listy for you, but i'm afraid that's just the way it has to be...

Potions 4

What looked like Ron stood up and clapped his hands, laughing at the surprised faces all around him.

"Whoo, this'll be fun! Okay, now we have to swap clothes." He caught sight of whoever it was that had turned into George. "Wow, I must say, I look quite fetching in a bra!"

"George" blushed. "Shut up, George," he said.

"Charlie" stood up with a small grimace, one hand to his/her back. "I think the first thing to do here is give out nametags." He went over to the desk in the corner of the room, and pulled out some labels and quills, and a bottle of ink. He scribbled a name on one, peeled it off and stuck it on his chest. It read, "Angelina." There was a look of shock on the established George's face.

"I'm married to my brother!" he cried. A squinting "Harry" threw a cushion at him.

"Get over it!"

Angelina wrote two more names and handed the stickers to George and Charlie. "Anyone else?"

One by one, everyone stood up and revealed themselves. Harry turned out to be "Bill," and handed his glasses to Charlie. Ginny was a rather pleased-looking "Teddy," who gave the game away by making her hair red. Hermione was "George." Ron was "Ginny." "Victoire" was busy extracting a tarantula from "her" hair, which meant she was Lee. Bill was "Angelina," and Fleur turned out to be a grumpy looking "Hermione." Teddy was running his hands down "Fleur's" sides with a very odd look on his face, and Victoire revealed herself to be "Lee." Angelina handed out the appropriate stickers, then everyone went, one at a time, to change.

It was a little bizarre seeing everyone seated around the table in different pairs than usual. Ginny was experimenting, changing her appearance as much as the Polyjuice Potion had; one second, her hair was red, then she changed it to shoulder length, with rainbow streaks. Angelina leaned over the table to pour tea into Fleur's mug, and cried out, clutching her back with her free hand and almost falling over in the process. George leapt up to catch her.

"You okay?" He looked at her in concern, leading her to the space he'd just vacated and sitting her down. She smiled up weakly and sighed, looking over at Charlie.

"Just what have you done to yourself, Charlie?"

Charlie grimaced, Harry's green eyes painful.

"I had a bit of a run in with Norberta a couple of weeks ago. She's got herself a nest, now, you see, and a clutch of eggs to go with it. Unfortunately, I found this out the hard way. I got a nice burn and a lovely bruise for my trouble. Sorry, Angelina, I should have warned you. Just take it easy, it helps me. I've got some painkillers for it, too. They should be in the left pocket."

"Charlie, why didn't you tell us?" asked Ginny angrily, her hair going red again to suit her anger.

"'Cos Mum would have flipped, that's why," snapped Charlie. His expression softened. "I don't like a fuss. I'm used to pain, it comes part and parcel with my job." He pushed his glasses up his nose, only for them to slip back down again. "Seriously, Harry, have you never considered contacts? I hear they're popular in the Muggle world."

Harry shook his head. "I'm too used to them for me to get bothered by them now. Besides, I don't like the idea of touching my own eyes."

"You've fought Basilisks, climbed through the sewers of Hogwarts, swum in the moat, played Quidditch in the wettest of conditions, fought off Voldemort, and you're squeamish about touching your own eyes?"

"Err… yeah."

They were interrupted by a screech from "Lee." The real Lee blushed slightly at the high-pitched sound coming from his lips.

"Lee, get this thing away from me!" squealed Victoire, shaking her head vigorously. Lee sighed and stood up, cupping a hand to Victoire's head. Some of the dreadlocks began to move, and crawled onto his hand.

"Sorry, Vicky, I didn't realise she'd gone into your hair. I usually keep her there, you see. It hides her from view, and the little kids love it when she pops up from my hair."

"That's alright," gasped Victoire, a hand to her chest.

Lee laughed, and took a while to catch his breath afterwards. He coughed slightly. "Gee, Victoire, have you been feeling okay lately?"

"Yes," she replied, puzzled. "Why?"

"You just seem really short of breath is all."

Victoire shrugged. Ron got up and stretched. "I'll be back in a second, I just need to use the bathroom."

"Remember to sit down!" someone called after him, but no one was sure who.

A few minutes later, Ron stormed back into the sitting room, looking scarier than usual with Ginny's angry face.

"Ginny!" he yelled. Ginny stopped fiddling with her nose shape and looked up innocently.

"Yes?"

"What's with the tattoo on your backside?"

"What tattoo?"

"The one with a big heart and a broom and a wand crossed and yours and Harry's initials?"

"Oh, that one," said Ginny airily. As Ron continued to glare, she said, "Get over it, Ron. You shouldn't be looking at my backside anyway."

Bill chuckled. "She's got you there." He moved to reach for a biscuit and froze. "Angelina, why do you make a clicking noise whenever you move?"

"Hmm? Oh, it must be the beads in my hair. I don't really notice."

"At least you 'ave 'air zat is reasonably under control," said Fleur grumpily, her French accent having a weird effect on Hermione's voice.

"And just what is that supposed to mean?" asked Hermione sharply.

"Oh, nothing, just zat your 'air is a leetle bushy for my liking."

Teddy leapt up before a catfight could ensue.

"At least you're one of the few that got to stay as a member of your own sex. You have no idea how weird it is being in your girlfriend's mother's body."

"You 'ave ze best body around, though," Fleur grinned.

"Oh, I don't know," said Teddy airily. "Victoire's isn't half bad."

Victoire coughed loudly. "What time is it now?" she asked.

George glanced up at the clock. "Half past. We've got about half an hour left before we change back. Excuse me, I need the bathroom."

Teddy reached for another biscuit. "This is actually quite fun. Who'd have thought that Polyjuice Potion could work so well? It even recreates injuries and stuff."

"That's not necessarily a good thing," muttered Angelina.

"What was it like when you used it?" Bill asked Harry. "Who did you turn into?"

"Before I say anything else, this was all Hermione's idea." Hermione threw a cushion at him. "You know how, when we were in second year, there were loads of attacks, and stuff about the Heir of Slytherin? Well, we thought it might be Draco Malfoy, so Hermione suggested we use Polyjuice Potion to turn into Slytherins and interrogate him."

"Which ones did you chose?" asked Lee interestedly.

"I was Goyle," Harry grimaced, stretching the scars on Bill's face. "And Ron was Crabbe. Hermione was _supposed_ to be Millicent Bulstrode, but-"

"Ok, that's enough," said Hermione quickly, George's voice going rather high, and the back of his neck turning red.

"No, what was it like being Millicent?" asked Charlie.

"She doesn't know," said Harry, "because she got a cat hair instead."

Everyone snorted or giggled at this.

"_That's_ why you were in the Hospital Wing for ages!" exclaimed Bill. "I wondered."

"You look better as me, I must admit," said Ron's voice; no one had noticed that George had come back in.

"Ah! Where did you come from?" yelled Ron, taken by fright; George had been standing right behind him.

George raised one of Ron's eyebrows. "I thought you knew about the birds and the bees," he said. "Then again…" he glanced down, then grinned at Ron evilly, "perhaps not…"

"Excuse me?"

George just winked. "I must say, this potion lark is enlightening. How much more time do we have, Lee?"

"Ten minutes."

"Ten minutes. Surely that's enough time to tell everyone what they've learnt from being in each other's bodies? I'll start, shall I?" He sat down beside Ron and smirked. Ron suddenly looked rather nervous.

HP

ooooooooooooh, why's ron nervous? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...


	5. Lessons Learned?

Chapter Five

George cleared his throat, clearly enjoying himself. "I've learnt that my lickle bruvver Ronnie is lickle in more ways than one." Ron looked puzzled. George gave him a meaningful look. Ron clearly suddenly realised what he meant, and he hit him. Hard.

"Wow, Ron, you're certainly stronger now that you're Ginny," teased George, rubbing the side of his face. "You just hit yourself, you know that?" Ron glared.

"Well, I've learnt that my little sister has a tattoo on her backside, and is… ahem…" He muttered something indistinguishable.

"What was that?" asked Ginny in mock politeness.

"You're stronger than me," he muttered, going red. "Hermione?"

"I've learnt how weird it is having only one ear."

George shrugged. "I've gotten used to it. Who's next? Harry?"

"I've discovered that being part-werewolf appears to make you crave after rare steaks. Not really much more. Sorry, Bill," Harry added.

"I've learnt how fun it is to be an metamorphmagus," grinned Ginny. "But also how uncomfortable it is to change into a man."

"Tell me about it," agreed Victoire. "And I know now that having a tarantula in your hair is a _very_ horrible feeling," she added with a shudder.

"Hey, watch it, you'll hurt her feelings!" said Lee indignantly.

Teddy was next. "I've learned how weird it is to have breasts." Victoire hit him on the arm, and Ginny, Angelina and Hermione all threw a cushion each at him. Fleur didn't look too impressed.

"I 'ave learnt 'ow rude my future son-in-law is, and also what it is like to 'ave less controllable 'air."

Now it was Hermione's turn to look unimpressed.

Bill simply said, "Angelina makes a lot of clicking noises. I'll take her word that you get used to it."

"I've had to wear glasses today. I never really appreciated how bad Perce and Dad's eyesight was and what it was like to wear glasses all the time until today," said Charlie.

"I suppose I've only really discovered how weird it is to be a woman," shrugged Lee. For some reason, Victoire was avoiding eye contact.

"And I've learnt never to work with dragons," finished Angelina. "I really don't know how you can stand this pain, Charlie. And don't you dare say you get used to it," she added warningly as Charlie opened his mouth. He closed it again with a snap.

Ginny's hair appeared to be changing from turquoise to red.

"Ginny, will you stop messing with your hair?" said George exasperatedly.

"I'm not doing anything!" she said defensively. "Our time must be up."

HP

Half an hour later, and almost everyone was sitting round the fire, in their own bodies and their own clothes. Ginny had curled up on Harry's lap like a cat, and Hermione and Ron were huddled close to each other. Charlie had been forced to have a lie down by Angelina, and she and George were handing out biscuits. Victoire had gone outside for a breath of fresh air.

Lee glanced anxiously around. No one seemed to be watching him, so he slipped silently down the staircase and found Victoire standing just outside the door, a cigarette dangling from her mouth as she tried to light it. He sighed and stepped out. She jumped and hid the offending item behind her back.

"Does Teddy know?" He wasn't going to pretend he didn't know what she was up to.

She hung her head, obviously ashamed. "Yes. He doesn't like it, but…"

"It's hard to stop," Lee finished. She nodded, looking so forlorn. "My dad smoked. Mum and me, we tried to help him quit, but we knew it was hard. In the end, it was the fags that took him. Lung cancer."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. She glanced up at the lit window. "Promise you won't tell my mother?"

"If you don't want me to. But I really think you should tell her. She might take it better than you think. You need to stop, and to do that you need as much support as you can get."

"I know." Victoire sounded agonised. "I didn't want to start, I always said I wouldn't, but there was exam stress, and I just couldn't take it. A couple of girls gave me my first. They said it'd help me to relax."

Lee gave her a quick hug. "Hey, you're not the first. But I stand by my advice. Think about it." He turned to go.

"Lee?"

He turned back to face her. She wore a small smile.

"Thanks."

HP

"So, did we have fun?" asked George as everyone got ready to leave.

"Hell yeah!" said Ginny.

"Yeah, thanks," said Bill.

Everyone else said their thanks as they trooped out the door, then Lee announced he was tired and said goodnight. George put an arm around Angelina's waist and pulled her close.

"So, did you like my surprise?"

Angelina tilted her head to one side and smiled, then kissed him.

"Yeah. It was fun."


End file.
